Humbug
I could use this space to contemplate the year about to end and ask some deep and meaningful questions about my future, but instead, I think I’ll complain about Christmas, which, though I hate to sound like Scrooge, becomes more and more of an ordeal every year. I seriously contemplated giving it up this December, but I felt like I needed a good reason, and if rampant commercialism is going to be it, I might as well stop breathing. I considered telling people that I had given Christmas up for Lent, but I knew that wouldn’t go over particularly well, because most everyone knows I don’t practice random acts of Christianity. So then I got to wondering, if I don’t observe Lent, and don’t even consider myself Christian, why on earth do I celebrate Christmas? I realized much later that it was because – and even the Pope has picked up on this – Christmas has almost nothing to do with religion. (Excepting, of course, the prayers of the lost and desperate: “Dear Jesus, please don’t let me get trampled in the mall on Boxing Day. Amen.”)
I was kind of hoping that when I got to work this morning I would find all signs of Christmas eradicated. No such luck. Trees, lights, and cards were still strewn everywhere. When we exchanged holiday tales, my co-workers expressed exhaustion, relief that it was over, anxiety about newly incurred debt and hope for recovery from family-induced trauma. There are a few warm and lovely moments from this holiday season that I definitely treasure, but speaking from the perspective of a former accountant’s cost-benefit analysis, I just don’t know if they’re worth it.
Toward the end of October, a drugstore on my way to work erected huge 8 foot inflatable replicas of Frosty and Santa which they then squeezed into their narrow display window. I’ve walked past them every morning since, and today, Frosty, who was supposed to be gaily waving a candy cane in his right hand, looked instead like he was bashing it against the glass and shouting, “Enough already! Get me the fuck out of here!” I suppose there’s a chance I was projecting a little. But I doubt it.
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Questioning/Examining:
What do you do with a drunken sailor?
Grateful/Relieved:
That the holiday season is over.
Regret/Deny:
Having to go back to work.
Pondering/Obsessing:
Why aren’t comb-overs officially considered a symptom of Delusional Disorder?
Whistling/Humming:
Time of Your Life – Paul Oakenfold
Reading/Scanning:
The Bean Trees – Barbara Kingsolver
Shout out to:
My Christmas spirit, wherever this may find you.